Seems like my shooting star wishes didn’t come true at all. I don’t wish to forget about her, because there were never any bad memories during my time with her. Keep the good, throw away the bad I say. 8 Shooting stars. 8 Wishes. I wished to be with her forever, for us to be happy, to have twins with her and to be able to take care of her. It seems kind of naïve and innocent when you look back at it. But that is what I truly wanted, even now. Je t’aime always.

Well, my girlfriend just broke up with me. A few days ago. On Christmas. Over MSN. I kinda expected it coming cos I had this gut feeling that there was something wrong while she was on the cruise. It’s weird, it’s like telepathy or something. Well, I have nothing but good memories of her. Not sure if she feels the same way. She broke up with me cos she had her priorities and I respect that. Her studies are more important, I wish for what’s best for her, for her to be happy. This has been a broadcast from my mind, stay tuned for more emotional stuff in about I dunno…2 years? C’est la vie

finally decided to blog again on a whim XD. the happiest day of my life so far: 17th November, the day her and I were basking in the starlit (that night was cloudy dammit!) sky and embracing each other in what felt like eternity. I honestly thought i'd never be able to get someone, I even told her that and ironically, it turned out to be her. Things just happened and I'm enjoying every second with her! List of stuff that happened chronologically since last post: Completed FYP, took exams, started attachment, got to know her, talked over msn, skype and sms, she broke up, (i got raped D:), went meteor showers together, got together, (marriage proposal over msn >< i phailzzz ORZ)

Happy go lucky, narcissistic, psychotic, easy going slacker ish me 8D

written at 1.30 which explains my inchoerent babble

its always like i know have a certain problem and i keep trying to change myself to fix it, but it never seems to happen. people keep telling me that i'm arrogant, boastful, and somewhat irritating. it never changes. i still stay the same. yet the same people will also say i'm kind, helpful, cold, uncaring. i have started to feel less anger, pain, happiness, hatred, so much so that it feels frustrating. i just dont know anymore. i think depression is setting in. i always had a low self esteem, i hate looking at reflections of myself, looking at the imperfection. slowly lacking the will to do stuff anymore. you know sometimes everything seems alright on thee surface but that's just it, everything is going wrong on the inside. and by the time you realise it, it's too late

Just cut my hair for attachment coming up soon, planning to have a new identity soon =D maybe after my attachment or something such that people won't recognise me or something. The thought of attachment makes me think about achievments and why you need to have a nice piece of paper that says you can do such and such or you are . Honestly, even without that paper, you can do that but nobody will hire you because you don't have that piece of PAPER. That's why freelance jobs are probably better for those without that piece of paper. Without any paper stating your qualifications, you can't work, you can't eat, you die. So my life depends on a piece of paper( I know I'm exaggerating but who cares?).

Life's wasting away again... I can't help but wonder that my I seem to exist just do defy most of the stereotypes and assumptions that people percieve others to be. For example, I so happen to be geeky/nerdy to a certain extent without looking like one and an otaku at the same time and looking foreign even though my parents are Singaporean and having an english accent that further amplifies the chances of me being mistaken for a foreigner. Not that its a bad thing XD (stuff i can lie about are fun). Gah so much stuff to do and i'm still procrastinating -.-


Moon Chime
There's a little trinket in this world that heralds the eclipse once in a while. It seems like once a person attains that trinket, eternal happiness is merely a step away and he or she is a bearer of night in the day. With eternal youth, they roam until the trinket chimes thirty and that is where they depart to Eden.

Cant sleep, holidays are here, just feel like slacking but there's so much work to be done. Think I screwed my common test though, cramming everything into my head the night b4 dosen't seem to work well so i tried memorizing by writing down key points but there were too many points >.> so i ended up forgetting the important ones XD . Sometimes, i wonder if this really is reality, kinda of like the matrix ya know? Except of harvesting our energies for the machines, i'm just a person inside a VR simulator to condition my mind such that I have a different personality when I wake up. Kinda like a personality reset by inducing a standardised amount of factors to obtain an expected response from the individual. Feels like a mind control to a certain extent, making you take a predetermined choice of action without you knowing. Oh well won't know my results unless I see them.

Ish addicted to RC and mafia warz on facebuk. for the past month. boss just sent an e-mail that he is considering retrenching some people from my workplace so i might need to find another job soon. but i'll be going for attachment soon anyways so it'll probably not matter. Now work ish piling up week after week and there's less and less time to do anything at all. hopefully it'll end by this week and i wish i could get my fyp done and over with cause i don't think i can stand my partner much longer.

Before I start ranting on about my partner again, some things that need to be said first, namely needing to find a backup job if and when I need extra income because apparantely my boss, has prevented me from working as much as I would like to just so he can "cut costs". And having to deliver like 1298371823vn912 reports this semester just so the lecturers can see how much effort we have put in T_T. Now, onto my partner, I know I might have taken away most of the credit by not letting her do much work and we quarreled a bit and I apologised and she said she wanted some work to show the lecturers that we did some work. So I let her do the work, 2 weeks since that happened, I see no progress, not even a smidgen of anything that even resembles a piece of work. And she complains about not having enough to do. Maybe I'm being too impatient, but I'm doing the "work" I gave her now without her knowledge in case. This time if shes starts going on it again, it might get bloody XD

Sometimes my project partner can be so hard to understand and communicate with. It's like I don't even know what she's trying to hint to me and she can treat me like I'm not even there. I have a feeling I did something wrong but I just have no idea what. Apologies are useless, she still gives me that cold silence and I'm at wits ends trying to figure out what to do. I tried to make a friend. I really did. But it seems like nothing seems to be getting through and its like a wall between us. Maybe I'm exaggerating the silence but it really does feel like she doesn't even want to talk to me. I don't want to believe that she might talking to others behind my back but if it happens I need to prepare and accept it.

On another seperate note,me likes google for their innovativeness =D Next time if you need to find something, just --. --- --- --. .-.. . it or -.-- .- .... --- --- it.

Some people can be really nice =D. Just had a great experience with a few customers, I taught them a few games and guided them through for until closing time and they were so nice to offer me a ride home! And they all were staying in the same are as me, Clementi! One of them actually had a friend by the same name as me and staying in the same estate as me lol! really coincidence that we met and it was great to have met them, they really seemed interested in buying a game called blokus. The little things we do make such a great impact of the people around us, like me just teaching a simple board game.

Starting on my new costume for 2009! the first for this year and probably might be my last until I get out of NS in like 2012 or something. It probably won't be as epic as the previous one, Testament but at least it won't draw the wrong kind of attention like stepping into a guy's bathroom and getting weird stares from random people. Well it was funny to see their expressions (darn, should have used that for psychology class would probably would have gotten an A or something, oh well). Anyway, me ish going to be making a simple sword prop for costume =D (finally a sword I can be proud of!) although probably might have trouble transporting to cosfest(cops don't take kindly to epic swords).


Natural Sinners
People born just to deceive others, for simple pleasure of just getting the rush from doing something evil or just to laugh at someone's misfortune. Compulsive actions of sinning without remorse.

Haven't posted in a while... Busy with Final Year Project(FYP)and getting screwed around by lecturers for "not doing anything","doing the wrong thing" etc. the list goes on. Yeah, everyday from 9am to 5pm in school slacking most of the time because either there's nothing to be done or it's already done. Starting next sem, I'll be in a totally new class since most of my previous classmates will be in attachment and well there's always pros and cons of everything. My previous class was filled with politics everyday, but I just watched from the sidelines and did not even bother to interfere. How I wish FYP could just be over and attachment start right away.

Almost every time I'm alone, I seem to be thinking about anything and everything. While this might seem like a good thing, it's been going on for years and it's the feeling that your brain can't switch off even if I wanted to. Conceptualisation,planning, probability, imagination, possibility, calculations, what if scenarios. Just a few of the things currently running through my head at this point in time. Of course, coupled with the distrust of people, paranoia sets in and as such I start to think about what people think of me, being self-conscious and overdoing it. As much as I wish for it to stop, it won't. Just like a clock, no matter how much you tell it to stop, the only way is to take out the batteries. This is my burden and my blessing. This makes the the clock tick properly.

It feels like I'm starting to lose my emotions gradually...Anger, fear, happiness,everything feels so...dead. I'm starting to drift towards a state of apathy and I just don't seem to be able to enjoy these emotions as much as I did a few years ago. It's painful.Terribly. To know that I'll be unable feel anything at a certain point of time makes it just so painful to endure the journey there. I wish I knew what to do or how to feel about anything or anyone. I've been living my life trying to emulate those emotions to try and just...be human. It feels so fake, being a liar to everyone because I have no true self to show anyone. Just a mask...Or is the mask my true self? I don't know anymore...and I've been thinking too much about this for the past decade or so. Being human is...hard.

Enjoying the solitude right now... alone in a big room with 2 beds and utter silence. Peace and calm lull me to bed. Well being in a big apartment has its own good and bad. Good thing is freedom and so much free time to do whatever I want. Bad thing is there's too much. So much so that it's causing boredom and nothing to do. Well having to go back to school from 9-5 makes it even worse. I go back to school for nothing but slacking.

Individualism: the concept of distincting yourself from others through any means necessary. By expressing yourself in any action that you do, you are practising individualism unless you are mimicing someone or imitating someone. "Being like everyone else is just boring!" -Suzumiya Haruhi. The motto that is true and will always be true. So far most of the things I have done are to defy the stereotypes of people such as not looking like an otaku but being one. Doing insane things and doing the things that people would normally not do(e.g climbing a hillside) are things that define me. We all need to do more crazy stuff!

Feels like I haven't posted in a while... Oh well, here goes! I'm going to be living with my uncle who's coming to Singapore for a while( only a few weeks!) and I'll be away from my family for like a while or maybe even longer. My uncle is coming to Singapore to settle some stuff then he'll be on his way back to new zealand to go look for a job and settle down(hopefully) and I should be staying at an apartment in Ang Mo Kio during that time. I'm actually looking forward to just moving out of my house even for a while beecause...everything in my house is like run down. NO running water, Way too messy and yeah, this is as bad as it gets. I'm most bothered about the water issue so I might consider living in Ang Mo Kio until I get a job or something.

Not sure if this is kinda off topic cuz its just a ritual i read online and i doubt anyone will want to try it.

Anyone heard of the "hittori kakurenbo"? As in Hide and Seek alone? some of you might have heard it while playing this horror DS game.

Not sure if its real or fake though. Not really expecting anyone here to try it cuz there's alot of factors that will make it difficult to proceed especially we live in singapore. Just wanted to share it. =D

but can only have 1 participant. and it'll take kinda long for the whole process and the purpose is to exorcist or get rid of u-know-wat..... i think.Sounds interesting at first, but seriously will anyone dare to try? I read the procedure already scared liao. It looks kinda dangerous though.

Anyway if anyone interested for a read and the procedures...its in jap and i cant really understand everything....OTL

http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E3%81%...82%93%E3%81%BC

http://www20.atwiki.jp/hitorikakurenbo/pages/12.html

Anyway here's wat i understand with my minimal jap skills...with random own comments in brackets. =X

======******=======
Prepare the following items:

-Soft toy with 2 arms and 2 legs.
-Uncooked rice
-Red string
-Sharp item...e.g Knife, penknife, something sharp enough to stab through cloth etc etc
- One cup of salt water.

Preparation:

-Replace the toy stuffing with the uncooked rice.(So kids, please make sure u are using a CHEAP toy and not some MetoYou teddy bears yeah?~ And tell ur mama u r donating some rice to the needy instead of telling them u are stuffing it into a toy thats going to be destroyed.)
-Dump in your chipped off nail/hair/any part of yourself in as well.
-Sew the toy up with the red strings.
-Tie the remaining red string around the soft toy body.
-Give that thing a name. (Let's use "XXX" for now.)

Seeking:

-Start at 3am. (Whut?!)
-Repeat "最初の鬼はXXX" 3 times to the toy.(It's gonna sound damn weird for other languages manz...)
-Go to the bathroom.(remember to clear ur bladder for wats to come.)
-Dump the toy into the bathtub.(Looks like this game is for the rich ppl with bathtubs...or only for japanese where most of them have bathtubs?)
-Fill the bathtub with water enough to cover/drown the toy. (....if u care for ur bill, dun play this too much.)
-Switch off all electric appliances in your house besides the TV. Leave it at some channels where u can only see statics.(woot eco-friendly rituals. Do this after drowning ur toy so u get to walk ard the house as if searching for it? nah let's not waste time. NEXT.)
-Close your eyes and count to 10.
-Hold the knife/sharp object and go back to the bathroom. (if u bo liao enough, try the tip-toe-stalking style of walking... =_=)
-Take out the drowned toy and say "XXX見つけた". (.....like....yeah obviously it'll still be there la...)
-Stab that toy with the knife. (....so freaking make sure its a cheap toy that is stab-able with sharp objects...and ur knife is sharp enough.)
-Say "次はXXXが鬼" to it and dump it back into the bathtub.
-Run to hide immediately.

Hiding(Things to take note):

-Do not go out of the house.
-Make sure all electrical appliances are switched off besides the TV. Guess its something to do with the static field or whatever they call it.
-EXTREME IMPORTANT: Take the cup of salt water with you.
-Shut your mouth while hiding.
-2hrs of play. Have fun. =D
-Make sure no one is coming home and interrupt the game. Who knows what's gonna happen if they suddenly barge in and oops? So why not try this game when u are living alone and is damn bored? Like....REEEAAALL bored.=D

Ending the game:

-Hold half a mouthful of salt water in your mouth and get out from where you are hiding. (WITH the rest of the salt water in the cup.and can i end the game like..within 5mins? Why do the players get to be the catcher for 1 min and the ghosts get to be the catcher for 2hrs! no wait...they are the catcher aka ghost forever....shit. This isnt a fair game from the start WTF!)
-Go back to the bathroom.
-Fucking hold the water in no matter what you see or feel in the house.
-Look for the toy in the bathroom. (...good for you if its still there.)
-Once you found it, pour the remaining salt water from the cup onto the toy.
-Spit the salt water from your mouth onto it as well....Or was it to spray it... (Eww?)
-Say "私の勝ち" 3 times to it. Game over~
-Burn the toy after this...(yeah so make sure its reeeaaaal cheap.)
-Erm.....as for the knife stuck in that toy....up to u loh. Wan to leave it with the toy and destroy or let ur mum use it for cooking next time......yikes.




Sounds interesting...Might try it sometime... =D

Everything looks alright on the outside, a confident man strides into the cafe brimming with positiveness. He orders a coffee with a charming smile and thanks the waitress with a generous tip. It was probably one of his good days, where something good happened to him. He takes out a newspaper and begins to read it, slowly flipping the pages and with utmost concentration on the articles. The moment he leaves, he hails a cab and with the same charming smile, asks the driver to take him to his house. Upon entering his house, his smile fades, his eyes begin to tear and his aura was that of negativity. Everything looks alright on the outside. Everything was tearing him up inside but he did not show this weakness to anyone but the mirror. The confident man was now a sobbing wreck, as he cried himself silently to try and forget everything after his eyes close.


*hates waiting for long hair to dry* it's always like an hour or so staring straight into a fan just to get every strand dry. *wishes he has a can of hairspray to do weird and reckless things to his hair* XD

I've gone and done the wrong thing again... Now my confession was screwd up and "that" person hates me i guess... she doesn't know that i read here blog and she's known that i've liked her for a long time already. Perhaps i scared her, and hurt myself in the process. NO, she didn't feel anything at all. No guilt, no sadness just another day someone comes and says i love you. Perhaps it's hopeless, she wants me to forget her and just be friends. It's been a painful 6 months and it looks like it'll be even more painful from here on out to try and be her friend. So i suppose, maybe just let it go, it might be less painful. I'll try to be stronger so i'll never need any support.Ever...

Sick of stereotypes, people making me out to be something that i'm not. assuming i'm a foreigner, assuming i'm someone who's a gangster.. .etc the list goes on... people need to stop judging me and stereotyping me just because i look like "that" kind of person. Because of their assumptions, their first impression of me is already ingrained into their heads as "that" kind of person.




talking to the wall on the internet is phun, you needs to do it too!

Watching anime, cosplaying ,attempting 3d art and photoshop, doing flash and learning things totally not related my course. LOL this is going to be the downfall of me sooner or later. Being too diverse is a good thing but not being good in any of them is like failing ORZ. On an unrelated note, I found someone's blog on facebook! Of the least possible places to find it LOL.


Facebook, friendster and myspace are evil! they make you socialise! It's even worse than coke! at least coke had cocaine back in the old days.

I've always wondered... the concept of souls,and the human body. And I've always felt the difference between other people and me. My soul was always different I guess. I keep thinking that I have the soul of a girl trapped within a my body. Who knows, it might be true, after all some fortune tellers can see it. This probably attributed to how much of a girl I look like and my behaviour.

The mystical and imperishable night of the the other world. It only opens once a year to those who seem despondent and desire an escape to the realm of illusions and fantasies that appease one's lonely heart.

Whoo! so much stuff to do and so little time! I'm screwed, like epicly. I need to finish everything for that person. No matter what cost, must present something for her to see and admire.(at least I hope so) Oh well, whatever happens, happens. After all, the future is never predetermined.(at least I think so)




Determination, the aspect of my life that is missing, wishing to see it and the face which carries it majestically and proudly. I believe that I have found it, the strong individual that always carries the smile of determination.

Tired. Tired of helping people. People keep asking me things that I think they already know. Anytime they ask for my help, I'm reluctant but I can't refuse them. Maybe I'm too soft, who knows? Maybe I'm just afraid of them thinking bad of me if I don't help, who knows? Found the right answer to my life in a person I think, then again who knows what they truly want?





It's really painful to see someone you know in pain and torture and you know you cant do anything about it at all. Its not that you don't want to but you just don't know how to help, because it might make it worse.

Life never was really simple, as much as I hoped it would be. Finding out that a person is content looking at the person he loves and knowing that she's happy makes me feel...uncertain. Because, I don't know if I can give her happiness. Is it a win-win situation if I make her happy and the person is content? Or have I just taken away someone's chance at true happiness? I wish I knew the answer.




Luck is all too relative, people believe that god has created fate for everyone. That something was supposed to happen at a predetermined time and location. People that believe in luck however, such as I, think that something just happened because of luck and an undetermined fate that we just happened to be in the wrong spot and wrong time and vice versa. Although I might be grouping everyone together when I said people who believe in luck. Because its all too relative.

School starting soon, cramped schedule + hectic classes= hell on earth. Trying to find a way to kill myself physically and mentally, not emotionally, that one is already gone.


If you can hear nothing, nothing becomes a sound therefore, absolute nothing is equal to a sound and that means zero is something. What if that "nothing" wasn't nothing at all but just a cover sound for the real sound of nothing?